I’ve been a cashier, a babysitter, a customer service rep, a receptionist, an administrative assistant, a research assistant and an entrepreneur. I’ve been promoted, demoted, passed over, hired, fired, praised and chastised.
And oh I’ve felt entitled. And I’ve felt victimized, invaluable, worthless, and like no one could ever do that job as good as me! I’ve called in sick when I wasn’t, come in early and stayed late, looked for another job on your computer, done more work than you asked. I’ve been the best employee you’ve ever had! And I’ve been the not-so-best one.
And here’s the thing. It was never about you. It was always about me.
When I called you incompetent behind your back, it’s because I was scared that I was. When I hung on your every word searching for the praise, it’s because I secretly felt I was not good enough. When I swore never to work for someone like you again, it wasn’t because I hated you, it was because somehow I knew I needed to love myself more.
And so I forgive you. I forgive you for what you have not done. Every aspect of our relationship was a reflection for me. It showed me who I was at the time…how I was feeling…how secure (or insecure) I was.
And you…who are you? The mother, the sales rep, the manager, the nurse, the doctor, the VP, the entrepreneur? Oh no, you’re all me.
Because like I said at the beginning, this isn’t about you. And I can breathe easy now knowing: it never was.